Jack Clemons was an author, geek, and student of applied violence; best known for his “My Bad 20” concept.
While not a new idea — Massad Ayoob was teaching this decades ago; and you take this in with your mother’s milk in Africa — Jack’s presentation of the idea was beautifully tailored for American sensibilities and psyches.
I would like to strongly — and I mean strongly — emphasize that this is a form of bribery, and under no circumstances whatsoever should this even be considered with regard to anyone who is a public official, or anyone whose salary is drawn from taxes.
Offering money to Joe Private Citizen is one thing — and perfectly within the law — offering money to a cop, judge, State’s Attorney, juror, witness, mayor, Congresscritter, or any other Public Official — even if they hint about it — is a crime, and someone will eventually jack you up on it.
Just don’t. Not in America1.
With that being said, Jack’s advice is spot-on, although I have some modifications specific to me, and to my circumstances.
After I fold the bill, I put a heavy paper-clip on it2. This little extra weight lets me loft it to someone, rather than handing it, if I’m uneasy.
I always handle the My Bad 20 with my non-weapon hand. If things go rodeo, I don’t want the festivities to start with a critter locking down my primary arm.
I never offer it surreptitiously. The average American has a distrust of anything “sneaky”, and if the emotional state is already heightened this distrust can start the rodeo.
When I offer it, I never couch it in terms of “A bribe3”, I present it as an apology and compensation for a perceived wrong; and I have a line of patter4 I’ve memorized so that I don’t have to think about what to say, and thus can react faster.
Examples from my own experience: Guy in a bar decides for whatever reason that I’m performing Ocular Intercourse on him, comes across the floor aggressively, “What’s your problem, [insert insult here]?"
Me: “My bad, dude. I’ve got Resting Bitch Face. Let me buy you a beer, and I’ll head on home.” Handed him the $20, and scooted.
Buddy is drunk and barfs enthusiastically on somebody’s pick-up. I interrupt the impending Educational Beat-down: “My bad, dude. He’s a moron. Let me buy you a beer, and I’ll take him home.” Buddy replaced the money after he sobered up, no muss, no fuss, no blood.
Johnnie Walker been lying to your homie about how tough he is, and he pops a bouncer on the snout? My bad, offer to buy a beer, promise that homie is going Somewhere Else and won’t be back that evening — and the bouncers might not call the cops5.
Local tough thinks you’re making moo-eyes at his girl and has a case of the ass about it? My bad, I thought she was a girl I knew in college. Let me buy you a beer, and I’ll go home.
Throughout the rest of the world bribery is understood to be the lubricant that smooths over the rough patches in human interaction. It can be the same in the States … if we present it a little differently.
It can also look really good to a jury if things don’t go well6.
This also can come in handy if you’re the victim of a display mugging7 — one where the display of a weapon and threat of violence is used, rather than initiated by violence — critters are predators and operate from a script. If things don’t go the way a predator thought, they’ll often disengage and leave.
Mookie pops out of an alcove and displays a knife, demanding your wallet. Fish the $20 out of your pocket, show it to him between your fingers, say, “My bad. Let me buy you a drink” and flip it to him8, then move away while watching him, getting well clear of the area — if that’s an option — or back up out of distance and watch him as calmly and dispassionately as possible.
This throws his expected script all out of whack. But he got $20 out of it, and there’s a chance he’ll bugger off to Buffalo. Then you consider that loss to be a twenty-dollar fine for losing situational awareness, and go get another one out of the ATM.
If it doesn’t work, well, you were getting mugged anyway. Feel free to proceed as your circumstances dictate.
It’s just a twenty dollar bill. Even in this economy twenty dollars is twenty dollars. If it prevents an escalation of problems, that’s cheap insurance.
Consider it, anyway.
Ian
However, once I was in a courthouse at a big city outside of my jurisdiction for a trial, and when I went to the khazi, I noticed a less-than-reputable citizen going into and out of every stall in the men’s room. I snagged a local bailiff, and we jammed him up when he came out of the last stall. After some hemming and hawing, he eventually confessed that he was looking for random bribe money that might have been dropped off. I rolled my eyes in disbelief, but the next day he waved me down in the hall to show me what he had found. And people wonder why I’m cynical.
Mas Ayoob wraps his in a book of matches for the same reason.
Even though that’s exactly what it is.
Craig Douglas’ “Managing Unknown Contacts” course from Shivworks. Well worth the money.
Bouncers don’t want the aggravation of paperwork, depositions, and court appearances any more than you do.
“So what you’re telling the jury is that my client not only apologized, but offered to buy a round of drinks for the table as compensation? Why, that doesn’t sound like a violent man at all.”
Yes, there are different kinds of muggings. No, I’m not getting into that now.
This is where the heavy paperclip comes in handy.
"My bad man; I had to put my dog down today and I'm totally out of it". Tough guy ends up buying me a drink.
The paragraph about bribery is hilarious coming from someone who tried to bribe a TX state trooper as a child.