You are an idiot, part 1
Wasp spray for self-defence.
Talking to someone’s grandmother the other day, and I noticed a can of Raid wasp spray on her bedside table. Sighing internally, I took a closer look and — sure enough — the hole in the nozzle had been widened, probably by application of a hot needle1.
Already knowing the gist of the answer I was going to get, I gently asked if she was having a wasp problem. In a conspiratorial whisper she confided that her grandson had recommended it in case someone broke into her house at night. She followed up by showing me the texts on her phone where darling grandson instructed her on how to open up the nozzle2, so she “Wouldn’t have to aim.”
I gently explained to her that we live in Texas, and that she needed a can of pepper spray. She responded that Darling Grandson had informed her that wasp spray “Worked better.”
With visions of working said grandson over with a garden hose dancing in my head, I firmly advised her that he was mistaken3, to put the wasp spray in the garage, and gave her my last MkIV can of OC with a brief instruction on how to use it.
Use of sprays other than OC for defense of self and home is a particular bugaboo of mine, and a hill that I will die on.
And whenever I spool up a rant on this subject, inevitably someone will respond with, “That’s easy for you to say, but pepper spray is illegal where I live.” Assuming that you live in the United States …
Checked Google and everything?
… If you live in some benighted country4 that forbids you the least means of self-defence — I can’t help you. Bloody well move5.
The bottom line is that there may be some restrictions, but pepper spray is legal in all 50 States and the District of Cockwombles Columbia.
As far as wasp spray — let’s put on our Thinking Caps, shall we?
A wasp weighs — at the high end — about 100 milligrams. One pound is about 453,592 milligrams, so a 185-pound male attacker is … damn. 453,592 times 185 is about … 83,914,520 milligrams. Call it eighty-four million mgs.
Something that is immediately lethal to a 100 milligram insect … is going to have what immediate effect on a 84,000,000 milligram mammal?
On top of that, the effective ingredient in most wasp sprays is pyrethrin. Guess what else pyrethrins are in? Lice shampoo — you know, the stuff you put on the heads of your children when they pick up Ye Olde Mechanised Dandruff at school. It’s also in the Flea and Tick shampoo you lather all over Fido while he’s standing in your bathtub.
So, you’ve just given your personal dacoit du jour a face-full of pyrethrins, above and beyond the dose that’s in lice shampoo or doggie flea juice. Yay, you! Will it have no effect? I didn’t say that — I’m sure he’ll die of some cancer or medical syndrome in twenty years.
Which is about 19 years, 11 months, 29 days, 23 hours, and 50 minutes after he gets done violating you with your can of wasp spray.
Wasp spray is for insects. Pepper spray is for Free-range Socialists. Don’t get the two confused.
Next post will be about stupidity of recommending oven spray for self-defence. I’ll try to keep the swearing on that one to a minimum6.
Ian
The technical term for this procedure is “Premeditation”.
Sometimes referred to as “State’s Exhibit A”.
Though tempting, I managed to not use the phrase "Well, your grandson is a [deleted]ing idiot.” I want a medal.
“Benighted country” being Latin for “Formerly-Great Britain”.
Seriously, if you’re not allowed to defend yourself — get the hell out of there.
No promises.
Pepper spray is fine, up to a point.
Friends ancient mom had someone break into the apartment she was living in. Ancient Mom let one fly in his general direction from her bedside .38. At which point the individual who was trespassing with intent sat on the couch with his hands in full view at all times until the LEO's showed up and gave him a set of nice nickel plated bracelets.
I'll see you wasp spray and raise you a cast-iron frying pan. Which is stored in the pantry. On the other side of the house for the bedroom. Because Mr. Bad Guy is absolutely going to give you a time-out to grab your weapon before killing you and raping your dog.
Family member in question refused to entertain the idea of guns because "they're so dangerous and lethal," but had no problem pancaking someone's skull or pulping their internal organs with some good ol' fashioned blunt-force trauma. Couldn't really reconcile the fact that the 9mm carbine I was recommending would actually cause less damage than the frying pan.
EDIT TO ADD: Family member is also asthmatic, and thus had some legitimate reservations about using pepper spray.