Strange vehicles and you

Random thoughts on a Tuesday morning

AI image, generated by me using HiDream I1 Fast. I’m a thug, not an artist.

Convention season is almost upon us, and since a lot of the conventions we will be attending aren’t even on the soil of the Republic¹ there’s going to be a certain amount of air travel involved. While we will be taking our own vehicle for some of these, a couple will involve air travel. Which means ground transpo will have to be arranged at the location.

In the main there are five different varieties of transportation available, so — in no particular order — let’s discuss my feelings about each.

Public transit

This is your local bus system, local light rail, that sort of thing. Basically run by local government, using taxpayer funds. I dislike public transit intensely. Public transit is, for lack of a better term, nothing more than game trails on the Serengeti of crime.

Not only are your local commuter rail, and local busses oft times filthy, and inhabited by trustees of modern psychiatric pharmacology, the fact that they are a subset of government means that the local government can not resist dabbling their idiot fingers into the mess by adding Rules, Ordnances, and other government bushwa.

There will be limits — limits you won’t know about — on what you are allowed to carry on their vehicle. There will be taxpayer funded agents watching to see that you aren’t Running Afoul of The Rules — and a middle-class white male or female is a lot safer to Field Interview than a gang-banger, or someone having a psychotic break.

Public transit is canalized, inflexible, inefficient, and worships at the altar of appearing to solve public transport issues, instead of actually solving public transport issues.

On top of which — in the Name of Safety — video surveillance on public transport is becoming ubiquitous. I dislike the modern stampede towards the Panopticon, so public transit is a mode of last resort for me.

Taxis

Somewhat better than public transit — but that’s damning with faint praise. A taxi is more flexible and efficient than public transit, but it also tends to be a lot more expensive. Overseas taxi drivers sometimes find a lucrative side-hustle being spotters for local theft rings — they know which hotel you’re at, what sort of luggage you’ve got, and whether you’re a woman travelling alone. All important intel for thieves. Some taxi drivers go further and will participate in driving you to the scene of your kidnapping for a cut of the proceeds.

While the kidnap gangs so prevalent in the Third World aren’t Stateside — yet — they’ll arrive sooner or later.

The theft rings, I’m afraid, are already here.

Taxis also tend to be … less clean than I’d prefer.

If I get into a taxi, and I can’t reach the driver due to a partition, channeling, or any other reason … I don’t take the taxi. Your mileage, as they say, may vary.

Uber, Lyft, or other rideshare

My #2 preferred transport option. Usually — but not always — less expensive than a taxi, they’re also usually cleaner, and they offer the same flexibility and efficiency of a taxi.

Unfortunately they also share with taxis the opportunities for the drivers to have the criminal side-hustles, but the real-time tracking inherent in the system limits the worst of these inclinations — kidnapping. However, bear in mind that if the driver is tracked, then so are you. Plan accordingly.

Rideshare vehicles, given that they’re the driver’s personal vehicles, don’t usually come with the police-level partitions common to taxis in major metro areas. If I call an Uber, and the first thing I see when I open the door is a cage to climb into, I find another mode of transport.

Rental cars

Ugh. The level of Administrative Stupid required to rent a car these days, plus certain habits of the Criminal Class, make this a non-starter for me.

Drug mules love rental cars. If — when — they get busted, the vehicle that gets seized isn’t theirs, so they don’t care. Unfortunately — especially if they are clumsy with their personal product — this means that Bowser the Wonder Mutt can add an hour or so to any traffic contacts you may incur after sniffing the cargo from the previous occupant.

If a rental car is required, select an agency that doesn’t mark their vehicles with company branding. A rental car is a mark of a tourist, and criminals look for that sort of thing.

When you go out to the lot, the first thing you should do is conduct a walk-around of your rental car. Look for puddles under the engine, wear on the tyres, cracks in light housings, stuff hanging down from the undercarriage, stuff like that.

Next pop the hood, check the fluids — oil, water, that sort of thing — and the condition of the belts and hoses.

Finally, start the engine, and — this is the most important part that folks routinely leave out — check to see if you have fuel. You’d be surprised at the number of people I know who have complained to me that the Low Fuel Light clicked on halfway between the aeroport and the hotel. If the Check Engine light comes on, get another car.

Then get out, and check that the headlights work — including high-beams — plus the turn signals, and brake lights.

Unless, of course, you enjoy spending months arguing with the rental company over who should actually pay the ticket you got for an equipment violation. Some folks do.²

I know some very switched-on people who prefer to rent a car when they’re outside their usual area — I’m just not one of them.

Friend or trusted acquaintance

This is my preferred method of transport, especially in unfamiliar urban areas. A local friend or trusted acquaintance will be familiar with local traffic conditions, and will be comfortable with — or at least tolerant of — your security habits and/or foibles.

I shouldn’t have to mention this, but: Do try to select the friend who doesn’t have outstanding warrants, an adversarial relationship with local law enforcement, or driving habits that are outside of your personal comfort zone.³

Anyhoo, some thoughts on a Tuesday morning.

Ian

1. Texas, you heathens.

2. You do you, boo.

3. An Italian acquaintance — good man, absolute hell on wheels in a fight — had a nasty habit of throwing his ridiculously over-powered roller skate down medieval alleys that were about half an inch wider than the car. At 45 kph, while yelling and gesticulating at offending pedestrians via the driver’s side window. Seriously damaged my gruntle.