People who have never fought

Should not define what a fight is

Nightcafe AI. I think I should start getting away from the photorealism gens.

One of the stupider statements I’ve heard uttered by a pundit recently came across my social media feed last night, and I was so gob-smacked when I heard it that it’s taken me some time to formulate my response.

The statement was something along the lines of: “Everyone knows you can’t have a fight until someone throws the first punch” and was being used in a debate about de-escalating violence.

This is the sort of perky verbal horse-puckey that looks good on a bumper-sticker, makes a snappy one-line come-back for impressing your coterie, and looks good as a social media .sig line, but has absolutely no bloody relevance to the subject it purports to pertain to. In the matter of interpersonal violence, it is usually uttered by those who have never, ever been in a fight.

I was in a hotel bar after a dynamic social interaction class a couple of decades ago, holding forth on my — apparently radical — idea that all young men should be taught boxing and grappling in school; when a woman who was not part of our group decided to inform me that she was a teacher, that she had seen “hundreds of fights”, and that I was an ignorant redneck, with barbaric ideas.

I gently asked her, “How many of those hundreds of fights did you win?”

She guppy-mouthed at me, sputtered, and indignantly informed me that she had never been in a fight, but she had witnessed hundreds. I smiled — again gently¹ — and said that if watching something gave you any special insight into that thing, then watching ‘Boston Public’ on TV would qualify someone to be a teacher, turned my back to her and ignored the rest of her outraged noises².

Gentlemen — and I aim this at the ‘Y’ chromosome side of the species because the social dynamics of the human female are completely illogical to me — y’all need to understand: The fight starts as soon as the other guy steps into your personal space with aggressive intent.

I do not choose those words lightly. “Personal space” has a definition: It is the area around you that is psychologically yours, the buffer zone where you feel safe in social situations; and for a stranger to encroach this zone causes feelings of discomfort, anxiety and/or anger. For most American males “personal space” is from about four feet to about twelve feet, the actual range depending on a dizzying array of social and personal factors, including, but not limited to: social situation, your perceived social status, the perceived social status of the other person, the gender of the other person, your personal confidence, perceived power imbalance, so on and so forth, ad infinitum.

“Aggressive intent”, likewise, has a specific definition: The deliberate and conscious decision to visit harm upon another.

So. When I say “The fight starts as soon as the other guy steps into your personal space with aggressive intent”, understand — once someone has decided to do you harm, the fight is on as soon as they cross your personal space. Not after they’ve done so and are already swinging.

“But, Ian,” I hear that voice in the back, “You can’t just divine someone else’s intent!”

Of course you bloody well can. Human beings are social animals. Threat displays are baked into our blood and bone; pre-assault indicators are hard-wired into our hindbrains and limbic systems.

And once the adrenaline hits, trying to hide a threat display or a pre-assault cue just means that they’ll be showing a different one.

If someone crosses your personal space, being verbally or physically aggressive, or with a threat display, or showing pre-assault indicators — you’re already in the fight.
Wrap your mind around that now.

Does that mean that if someone invades your personal space aggressively you have the go-ahead to crack him on the ear?

That is entirely dependent on the multiple unique variables of your particular incident — which I can’t foresee for you — moreover, it is a discussion between you and your lawyer.

I will advise that you already know what a threat display is — learn how to articulate that to a jury. Learn what pre-assault indicators and cues are — and how to articulate same to a jury. Learn to see, instead of just looking. The sooner you spot the threat display/pre-assault cue, the more options you have, and more options are always better.

But don’t ever believe the bushwa that the fight doesn’t start until someone swings. That sort of thinking is how you wind up in ICU, missing IQ points.

Ian

1. I try to be a gentleman.

2. I’m not always successful.