Ian, what is "Guano-psychosis"?
And "Guano-psychotics"?
“Guano-psychosis” is an articulate turn of phrase that I wish I could claim to have invented, but I didn’t. I will, however, claim “guano-psychotics”.
It is a delicious and evocative bit of word-smithing that I first ran across somewhere on social media, and it was so eloquent that it immediately stuck in my mind.
“But, Ian,” I hear you say, “What is guano-psychosis?”
Good question. It is, of course, a more polite way to say “bat-[deleted] crazy”, but I tend to use it in a more direct, more focussed sense.
I want you to picture a gerbil. This gerbil lives in the finest cage one could imagine, with every possible luxury available — from the finest bedding, to the most delectable of gerbil kibble — every creature comfort immediately attended to.
In response, this gerbil is in a spittle-flecked frothing — yet impotent — rage. I want you to imagine the veins in this gerbil’s forehead standing out in aneurysm-level relief, grinding his teeth — if not actively chewing on the scenery — the rafters vibrating from the impassioned, non-verbal — albeit ultimately futile — shrieking.
And why, you ask, is this gerbil losing his poo? His food? His bedding? His quarters?
Nope. This gerbil is indulging in pointless, fatuous berserk fury …
… Because something bad might happen to a Bad Person.
And not just any Bad Person, but a Bad Person the gerbil will never interact with, never come in contact with, never have to deal with the consequences of the actions of the Bad Person — even though other gerbils might have Bad Things done to them by the Bad Person.
Sounds kind of counter-intuitive, doesn’t it? Yah. Thus “guano-psychotic”.
“Ian, surely you exaggerate some …”
Iryna Zarutska — I’ve written several essays about her — was brutally murdered by an Emotionally Disturbed Felon while minding her own business. Someone touched by this senseless tragedy decided to immortalize that poor girl with a mural.
“I mean, ok, but surely …”
Judges, mayors, and other elected officials protecting charged — and at least one convicted — child molesters, allowing them back out into the population to prey on more children because they’re illegal immigrants? Guano-psychosis.
“Well …”
British authorities refusing to investigate grooming and rape allegations for decades because the alleged perpetrators were immigrant minorities? Mass guano-psychosis.
Any time you’re staring in disbelief at someone who has gotten their lilac-scented fee-fees all in a snot-slinging uproar protecting predators, and possible predators, at the expense of the innocents at large — congratulations! You’re looking at a guano-psychotic. Proceed carefully.
A simple, yet evocative, phrase. You’re welcome!1
Ian
It also gives me blog fodder on a dry, achy Monday morning.
A certain South African born individual paid for the murals, if I remember correctly, which leads to further unrest amongst those suffering from guano-psychosis.
Funny and accurate. Although I prefer the original, bat shyte crazy.